I want to see you shine as a leader!
I want you to shine brightly. That has been my mission as a leadership coach and consultant for close to 30 years.
And to that end, I want to share two essential elements of leadership that can make your team successful and by extension make you successful. Two elements that you can put into practice today.
Why talk about this?
Because the number one reason that people leave a job is because of a bad leader.
It happened to me. Toxic boss who created a toxic workplace. In my thirties, I worked for a boss who did not shy away from telling us, her staff, and I quote “You job is to help me make my bonus!” Not the stuff of which inspiration is made.
In a recent Pew Report, 57% of respondents said that a primary reason for quitting their job was “feeling disrespected.”
No, I wish for you a workplace where the people who work for you never feel that way. Instead they are fully engaged, they want to surge out ahead, not just linger in place, but surge out ahead not because they have to, but because they want to, because they want to with enthusiasm and energy.
That’s part of what leadership is all about.
And they do that because you have created a bond with them that engages their enthusiasm and their energy to want to act, to serve, to persevere.
Let me say that once again, at its core, leadership is the bond that we create with others that engages their enthusiasm and their energy to want to act, serve and persevere.
So how do we get there. How do we create that bond, the one that engages their enthusiasm and energy?
It all begins with one specific behavior. “We treat people with dignity and respect.” That’s it. It’s that straightforward.That’s what the 57% of people who leave their jobs because they feel disrespected are looking for.
In their 30 years of research on leadership, thought leaders Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner, two men I had the privilege to work with for many years, have found over and over again that, “Treating people with dignity and respect is the number one behavior that people look to in deciding whether they want to willingly follow you. Not because they have to follow you. Not because they are compelled to follow you. But because they genuinely want to follow you.
Absent that behavior, we just can’t build the bond that engages enthusiasm.
Let’s talk about “Enthusiasm.” I’ve been throwing the word around. Let me get clear on what it means, what it looks like, how it is experienced.
Enthusiasm, it’s got long history dating back to the ancient Greek and has evolved over millenia by way of Latin and French today to mean, along with excitement and eagerness, “inspiration.”
So when I say that through our behavior we engage the enthusiasm of the people around us, on our team, on our staff, in our group, I’m saying we inspire them.
And, first and foremost that happens when “We treat them with dignity and respect.”
It’s not rocket science, but it is the bedrock of leadership.
And there are two core ingredients of treating people with dignity and respect that I want you to consider.
First, we listen. We invite their input, their thoughts their ideas. We ask questions without jumping to impose our points of view. In short, we get curious. And when we get genuinely curious about what they have to say, they feel heard. And that is key to their feeling like they’re being treated with respect.
Secondly, we show appreciation. We express gratitude.
And we do it a way that is meaningful. – and that is the key. This is the second element of leadership that allows you to shine that I want to talk to you about today. And we can put it into practice immediately.
In its absence, you would be hard pressed to engage, inspire, motivate.
On that score, I imagine we all have personal experience. I do. I clearly remember the words of one of my early career bosses who was very straightforward with me in saying, “I don’t give positive feedback. That’s not my style.” What do you do with that? It didn’t work for me, and I suspect it wouldn’t work for you to inspire the people around you.
So let’s talk about expressing gratitude in a way that is meaningful.
Way beyond the all too easy and perfunctory, “You did a great job.”
That’s like giving someone a dopamine hit. Feels good in the instant but evaporates in short order. Or put another way, it’s like serving up a helping of empty carbs – not a diet that is going to be sustaining.
When you show your appreciation by extending a meaningful expression of gratitude, you have a tremendous opportunity do something much more long lasting.
So, let me talk about how.
“Meaningful” lives in the heart. It is a reflection of what is in our hearts.
And so, a meaningful expression of gratitude is one that is heartfelt – felt at the core of both you and the receiver.
The key to expressing gratitude that has meaning to someone else is first to know and feel that is has meaning to you.
Then by expressing your heartfelt gratitude, you allow for the possibility that it will be felt in the heart of the individual to whom it is offered. And that is what makes it much more long lasting.
This demands work on your part. This demands that you give thought to two questions, “What am I grateful for and why do I care.”
First, what am I thankful for? Be specific. Be specific so that the receiver is clear and knows that you have given purposeful thought to what you’re saying. Be specific so the receiver is clear about the contribution he/she has made.
Second, Why do I care. Really, why do you care about the contribution that he/she has made? What’s the big deal? What is it that draws you to express your gratitude? Those are the questions to ask yourself to give you the opportunity to connect at a heartfelt level.
If your response sounds and feels formulaic or weak, keep asking yourself the question. Why do you care?
When your response resonates with you at a heartfelt level, it will probably be received at heartfelt level.
And together, wow, when you express what you’re grateful for and why, that is the stuff that helps you build and strengthen your bond and inspires someone to act, to serve, to persevere in face of the challenges that you’ll all most certainly encounter as you move forward.
So let me wrap this up.
Treating the people around you with dignity and respect and expressing meaningful gratitude, those are two essential elements that allow you to shine as a leader.
So, Shine brightly!
And, I’ll see you next time.